The Tyranny of Tongues

When New Zealand’s two pillars of obnoxiousness, Don Brash & Guyon Espiner, had a showdown on National Radio in early 2018, most just turned the radio off. But for those who didn’t and were left wondering why not, here’s the no nonsense guide to modern Manglish…
What is a macron, why are they everywhere now, and does it make us as sophisticated as the French?
Why do some people say Wongarei and others Faaangarei, and what would happen if they were both completely wrong?
Has anyone ever told the inhabitants of Whataroa that they’re saying the name of their birth place wrong, and if so, are they buried somewhere in a gorse-covered West Coast swamp?
Does Guyon know the way he says Kaikoura actually means ‘a meal of flax capes’?
Did you know that the word waka comes from an ancient Chinese word, and that kumaras aren’t kumaras at all?
Most importantly, where is the best fish & chips in Thames, and in ten years’ time will anyone understand when you order?